theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
