Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
