this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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