just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize