Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
