First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
