I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
