he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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