Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
