Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
