the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
