remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
