I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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