I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
