She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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