so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
