Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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