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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
