If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
