Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
