yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
