Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
