she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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