My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
