i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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