I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
