My friends, they love my intelligence
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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