You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize