Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
