Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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