Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
