with your own penis?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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