hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
