i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
