I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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