The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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