You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
