I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
