i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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