2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found puke in my bra..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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