The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
