Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
