i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
