accomplished twins. life is a go
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
