That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you told grandpa to call you daddy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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