I queefed so loud it echoed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
