Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She told me I should be a condom model.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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