I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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