Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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