One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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