I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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