in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
