yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
