just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize