Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
