i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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