Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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