pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
