Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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