things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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