i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
