I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
