why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
