just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize