So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
