You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
