Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
