Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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