Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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