My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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