If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
