dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
