My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize