I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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