feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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