My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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