There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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