get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
