You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
