be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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