Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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