mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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