just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
