Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wear drunk well.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize