he wants to bone in the snuggie
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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