The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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