32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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