Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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