Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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