you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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