It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
