nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
