Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
