I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
