In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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