I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
