im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
