did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
