i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
