At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
