this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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