This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Two words: nipple clamps
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