I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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